For years now I have been a letter writer, often having several other writers to write back and forth with. This is a letter written last June.
*****
Have you ever seen the documentary "Paris is Burning"? If you haven't -
you should. It is one of
the best documentaries I have ever seen plus it's focused on queer, and
poor folks of color- without even trying too hard. I tear up every
fucking time.
For some reason the film makes me think of Alice, I wonder if she
ever saw it, I wonder if it would have made some sort of difference, I
wonder if I am an asshole because I never thought to suggest it. Some
times it doesn't feel real that she's dead. It doesn't feel real that
trans people just don't make it to adulthood, because it's too hard and
drugs are too easy and glitter doesn't make everything okay. I still
have her last boyhood item stuffed into my back pocket, it's funny how
much masculinity we put into a little leather money holder, and she
thought it so fitting to gift it to me. There's something about a boy
who never wanted to be a girl, trying to teach a girl who never wanted
to be a boy, how to become a masterpiece. Some days I think I failed
when I think about the little seventeen year old hooked up to life
support in Oakland's children's hospital and some days I think back to her
giggling, talking about girls and clothes and think that at least she
died being open and honest about who she was. But wouldn't it have been
better if she had lived, grown up to show the world the masterpiece she
had become?
If you haven't seen it yet please check out the book Alice's mother has been working on- it's heartbreaking, beautiful and real. Really. Go now.
http://laurustina.com/the-complicated-geography-of-alice/
